Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Guru Dakshina

Well, the ones who have been following my blog, would now know that I have been scribbling in my diary almost regularly right from the age of 4...it's a practice that has become a part of my life. When it comes to counting the volumes, well...they are as many as 35, carefully stacked up in study- a habit that I have cheerfully inherited from dad; he has been writing in his diary for over 40 years now...astounding, isn't it? And it goes without saying that apart from being our treasured mode of assuagement, our venting zone...it does archive some of those best moments of our life in a very lucid, plebeian mode of expression. I can never match up to dad's style of writing a diary, he has an amazing control over the language and mode of asseveration...I have always been an amenable disciple. I have never seen him skipping the aspect called "Daily notes" except for the day when I met with a deadly bike-accident and he had to rush back from office...he did make up by writing an extra post the very next day but. I've been rather rusty and sporadic at times, unable to strike a balance between work life and personal life...but then his periodicity has been courteous. Alright, let's pull up some of those very nostalgic accounts straight from the diary and present them in-front of readers, these excerpts have been promulgated in an unaltered state to keep the essence intact. It is a depiction of our undefiled bond..!!



Date: 26th July 2005
Time: 21:04

Dad has bought an A.C. for us today...wait, for me. It has been installed in my study, exclusively for me. But why? I know that the heat wave in Calcutta is unbearable right now and we have been contemplating about procuring an air-conditioner for the entire family....but why did he do this? Yes, he has been passing through a very tough phase at work...still he has been investing so much for my education, ensuring that I get the best of resources in terms of academic advocacy; I don't know whether I should be happy or sad about this. I'll be studying in comfort while the others would "toil in the heat"...and dad, as always has a smile on his face. "I had to drop out of the IIT KGP M.Tech because my dad wanted me to work and support the family, I don't want you to see you doing that. Follow your dreams...and we'll do as much as we can to support your aspirations"- He had once attested. This was perhaps a major stride in fulfilling his son's ambitions...he sees his shadow in me and he wants me to step up to task. I will Dad, I will.


Date: 29th December 2005
Time: 19:08

The engineering division has shut down today. It's the final nail in the coffin after their belting division faced a similar fate a couple of months back....this means disaster really. The company, once a leader in it's sector, is now down to the ashes. Dad is unbelievably calm tonight...I don't know how I would have reacted had I been in his place, but (being the only earning member of the family) then I would have panicked for sure. He had slowly walked up to us and asserted - "It's time to move on. Always remember, the show must go on". He has requested to concentrate only on my studies and absolutely nothing else..."Everything else would be sorted"- He said as he tried his best to comfort me. He always had this 'big plan' of training kids for the future and being a scholar himself, he wanted to take this forward. Just try and imagine this...a person who has just lost his job hasn't even lamented even for a second, he on the other hand has ensured that his family isn't affected by this unexpected debacle. We all knew that with his calibre, he'd perhaps get a job the very next day...but then the fact that he shielded his emotions for our sake...is absolutely copacetic. 

Date: 9th April 2006
Time: 22:17

I don't know whether I'll be able to write much today...the emotions are getting the better of me right now. I can't stop the incessant flow of tears rolling down my cheeks as I opened my diary...it's been that kind of a day. Believe me, I tried my best to stop him...he didn't comply. I knew that he'd struggle because of the wounds; but then the indomitable spirit combined with sense of allegiance propelled him in course. I was under the impression that the doctor had prescribed a heavy dose of sleeping pills to keep him "away from action"- well, you can't bog down a wounded tiger for sure. I did mention in my last entry that I might be irregular with my daily notes because of the Board Exams and today was the very critical Mathematics paper...yes, the "dreaded" Mathematics exam. I guess dad, being my sole Mathematics teacher, was more anxious than me...and he had a strong feeling that I might quaver without those last minute tips. Also the fact that on every Mathematics examination, irrespective of their importance, he has escorted me to the examination center without fail...triggered this reaction. Today was no exception; despite of having a fractured leg, he accompanied me to Jadavpur...that's almost 30 Kilometers from our residence. Yes, they say that superstitions work well at times, it has certainly brought great results for me at least. The exam went well, and that, my friend, is attributable to my lion-hearted father who ensured that I'm absolutely in the right frame of mind before the examination. Try and imagine the kind of pain that he went through as we glided through the crowded lanes and bylanes of Calcutta, that too in this baking heat. Even the doctor was concerned when he got to know this, the wound is still fresh. I don't know why my fingers are numb at this moment...I don't know what to write...how to write...I'm just numb.!

Date: 2nd December 2007
Time: 19:37

I'm not going to write much today...it's been a tough day for both of us- for me and dad, all I want to say is- 'Dad, I'm glad that you believe in me. I knew that right from the inception...but what happened today has promulgated the same yet again'. All the evidences were against me when I was incriminated of being involved in a satiating ragging incident, even the VC wasn't ready to accredit the fact that I was not even present at that spot....but then you were the one who took it up and bailed me, like always. I don't know how to face you right now; despite the unanticipated delusion, I'm sorry that I landed up in such an embarrassing scenario. I hated it when the VC was addressing you in such an impudent inflection...yet you shielded me with rationale and coherence. My self-belief was down in the dumps when you came along and resurrected my aplomb. I don't know whether you'll forgive me for this...but I promise not to let you down in future..!!!

Date: 1st May 2010
Time: 21:57

I've made a new beginning today. Honestly speaking, I never wanted to work in a core company, since I started to hate engineering towards the end of the course...I vividly remember the scenario when I wanted to quit in between but then you rightly persuaded me to continue. Now that I have a chance, I really want to make it count. I have applied for a key role in one of the top-most consulting firms of the country and I sincerely hope that I'll get through....I'm glad that you backed my decision of rejecting the handsome offers from some of the leading core sectors in line with my branch of engineering. You have always given me complete freedom when it comes to choosing my path, and this has been no exception. Initially, I was very very scared to tell you this since you have groomed me personally...I knew that this would come as a shocker...but then I knew that you had belief in my ability. And when I shredded off the offer letters, I knew that somewhere down the line, you were proud of me..you were happy that I didn't join the "flow". The entire family was against me when I took this impulsive call...you were the only one who patted on my back and said "Follow your heart...and if it says YES, go for it". I wanted to say this so many times in the past, but never managed to do so..but I will definitely say it today- I'm proud to have you as my father...I'm privileged...!!


Let me be honest with this one, when I look back and reflect upon those memories...all I see is dad's unquestioned devotion, love and attachment towards me..he has sacrificed on his personal goals and ambitions for my sake. Whatever I'm, is absolutely because of you...perhaps I'm no-where close to you when it comes to being a "true human being"...but your contribution towards my development is unrivaled. I don't know why I have never done this...but I think today is the day...a warm, reassuring hug is all that I can offer. I know that you have never read my diary, you have respected my privacy; this is for you- "My Guru Dakshina". If you are reading this sitting in New Jersey right now, let me tell you, we are missing you badly out here...do come back real soon!

*This father’s day, I am expressing my love towards my dad by participating in the #HugYourDad activity at BlogAdda in association with Vicks.
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