Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Curious Cilium ~An Autobiograpy

"FREAK!! This is such a cruel world.
Yes, you cannot change the way people think...but buoy…you can certainly make an attempt to change their perspective. Oh Wait! Are we even allowed to make a wish? Do we have that avowal before you people decide to eradicate us to the ‘core’? It’s as if we are not entitled to see the sunshine for long enough, to bathe in its freshness….to ‘grow up’ like every infant does. It’s so embarrassing you know, in spite of being a constitutional component of your guise, we almost have to stay in disguise.

“What is the average life-span of a Mayfly?”- My neighbor had asked me some time back.
“U...mm….should not be much….”- I stumbled through the mental-maths exercise.
“Maximum 24 hours, that’s exactly the one that was resting on us last night. It’s dead”- He elucidated.
“Shocking!! I mean, yes I was damn scared to start off with but it gradually settled it…not before Sammy decided to blow it off…..but….that is so unfortunate…” - I was pretty disturbed at this news.
“DUDE!! It’s worse in our case….”- He seemed annoyed…”Sammy has a party to attend tonight, you know what that means??” - Well, not really!!
“Oh brilliant…I’m SO looking forward to it. I love those lovely ladies rolling their cheeks all along our so called anatomy, almost as smooth as velvet….”- It was trepidation nevertheless, all about ‘hormones’ you know. Awww..the cosy 'cuddle' is tranquilizing.


“FREAK!! Stop this bullshit, we won’t live to see the day…err, the night…”- He screeched. Damn it, he had a point.
“But he had shaved yesterday, no? We are just, I mean…just about 18 hours old”- That was quickly escalated. From experience, we could perhaps conclude that our life-span ranges from 2-3 days, of course it’s reincarnation beyond that. But then, this, my friend, is so unfair.

Things were much better in the early 18th and 19th century you know, we enjoyed the ‘status’ of an elite group back then…historically we were regarded as the colophon of intellectual and scholarly excellence. Eminent personnel like Tagore, Shakespeare, Morse, Rossetti, Whitman, Bryant ‘endorsed’ us back then and we didn’t let them down either. They look stunning in those ancient portraits, courtesy our pulchritude…*collars up*. Things have exacerbated with the progress of time and ‘distortion’ in the sense of fashion & vogue. People have decided to look ‘speckless’ on the outer half while their tainted self is hidden inside. We have been almost shoved (and shaved) off into the darkest corner, those stern regulations scripted on every corporate rule-book have castigated against our dynasty. And those who have decided to rage a rebellion against the convention, have suffered miserably. I remember Sammy being thrown out of a technical presentation just because he had that ugly looking stubble…Gah, that’s ‘their’ version….I can never even dream about calling my brothers ugly. Yes my friend, Sammy is excused, that slap would have been really really painful! I've seen him trying so many different styles, it's an art I believe..honestly speaking, honored to be a part of it.

Courtesy
But having said that the fear of death is agonizing…the very thought of a jagged razor wiping off your mere existence is absolutely jittery, it’s a tame necrosis, it’s a silent bereavement…as if an epidemic has raged through the ‘metropolis’, slaughtering those poor, harmless infants. Oh! It’s a scary cognition nevertheless…I wish that I could inflame the Asoka in them, the motility could perhaps bring back those golden times. There are those odd Samaritans like Hashim Amla who have made a sincere attempt to rescue us from the face of extinction….but then these annotators have somehow cloaked it with the blanket of racism; there’s absolutely no connection what-so-ever. To hell with technology, they could perhaps develop a customizable hiding capsule for our fast depleting dynasty, so that we could get ‘under cover’ at the prospect of a ruthless razor treatment. In-fact, it hurts even more because most you don’t even know the art of ‘upward strokes’, it’s excruciatingly painful with a relatively blunt-edged razor…the cuts are distressing.

Now look, the point I’m trying to make here is pretty clear…we are a bunch of indomitable troopers, you might wipe off our entire clan…but remember, there’s a fresh lot wait right behind. You simply can’t throw us off the contention…we are unassailable in true sense of term, the reinforcements are pretty much ready. And of course, technology has given you the leverage of triple blade razors that aims at annihilating us to the core….ha-ha, dude…gimme a break, those roots go deeper than you could possibly imagine.

“Mate, looks like Sammy’s punk make-over didn’t send in positive vibes eh skipper?”- Yes he has a history of rejection behind his name, Sammy.
“Mate, without us…perhaps the legends Dave Grohl or DeLonge wouldn't have been legends at all…and you know what, it’s absolutely impossible make these ladies understand, leave it”- My first-hand experience spoke for itself, the tight swat that followed a rather galling kiss broke my trance….it was extremely rude of her to say that my presence had a repelling effect on their nascent relationship; give me a break man!!! The point is, you cannot compare a piece of ‘spirited cilium’ with a rather dumb cactus, and yes…you are welcome.

“Skipper…seems like this chap has got a new shaving gel as well. He’s going to sedate us prior to the cold blood murder, what do we do??!”- My neighbor looked rather concerned as the gory moment arrived.
“Tighten your grips ladies and gentlemen, we are not gonna give up without a fight. The gel shouldn't soften up your roots, steady folks…”- The sudden rush of adrenalin (or whatever) it is…I squealed vehemently.
“Aye! Aye Sir….”- Their voices echoed through the ‘woods’, it was a gallant stampede alright.
We held our arms tightly and ‘fastened our root belts’ securely, it sure promised to be a thrilling ride, we’ll fight till our last breath…we’ll show resistance to the mindless convention.

“Calamity is here….”- The wise old cilium broadcast-ed…."

Disclaimer: 'This post is a part of #WillYouShave activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette'. I would like to tag 2 of my fellow bloggers Depanjan and Biswa in this post and request them to express their views on this interesting topic in form of a blog-post. This post is a response to Depanjan's tag in his blog post: "Job, without the beard".
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