Monday, December 23, 2013

The Cranky Cranberry: An Autobiography......

"Damn you......you know I have mostly been on the receiving end....and it's not really amusing every time, my friend...

I have never protested against your iniquity, I have been a silent observer of sorts. But you have to understand this; life is too short to throw an empty bottle away. The essence of emptiness is a delusion; there's an embedded charm in desolation...there's an ingrained charisma in a vacuous anatomy- you can see a different world looking "through me".
Anyway, let's shove the emptiness aside because today is a big day....I am being 'analysed to the core'; every drop, every trace, every tickle, every infinitesimal morsel is being examined thoroughly...it is rather awkward you know!


I mean, consider the fact that you people have almost unflinchingly side-lined me for the major half of the party...yes I agree, there's quite a bit of communication gap, but then I should be complimented for my optimized dose of rhapsody, I do make a sizable impact. The point is, I do contribute a lot towards those proportionate willies...yeah of course, the "miniature" extent of alcohol content doesn't dent into your "zone", yet I do feel that I am grossly under-estimated. 


They say that I don't even rank among-st the top intoxicating agents...I struggle with my quotidian jolt; who cares? I do love the under-rated feeler...the dark-horse so as to say.
'Dude, you are under-qualified to stay along-side'- I looked to around to find an animated bottle of Sauvignon Blanc; trying to get under my fluidity-marred-skin.

Sigh...I looked around for inspiration, hoping that my master comes along and takes me for a ride.
NOT TO BE. He was too busy with his newly-found-love in rum.
Yeah, it's hard to accept....but that's really how it goes, they say it's all about "up-gradation".

Up-gradation, My FOOT!
Come on, try and imagine this....it's an extreme level of crudity you know; it's much like a prompt peck, you know...the way our 'lips find a common junction'...you have no idea how embarrassing it is. I know I taste pretty good; I know I tickle those senses some-where down the line....and I also know that popularity is just round the corner.


'Hey Mr Burgundy...you know, people talk about whites and the reds...look at you..do you think you have a fancy shade?"- The Riesling Romeo did make a decent attempt in under-mining my ability.
I maintained my composure and waited for the right moment.
I didn't have to wait too long.

'Pete, don't force me tonight....' the lady seemed disturbed....'I feel like running down to the office and bashing that moron in public...He is such a brute!!....He is a freak, a drunk-yard...he loves only those fancy bottles...not me'..!!


Dear oh dear...seemed like the perfect time to pitch in...my florid glare did the trick here and the rest was history....
'Lady have a drink'- The host tried his charming pacifiers. She was too distraught to respond. She managed to shove him away and plunged herself right on-to the counter.
I was standing RIGHT at the back of the coterie; crowded under the burden of a 'crystal medley'...trying to peep out and wave at the "damsel in distress". I didn't have to flex my "rigidly etched muscles" alright....she walked up straight towards the remote corner and surprised me :D . Yeah you got it right...that was the BEST ever feeling of endearment.
And yes of course, I did manage to throw a sly straight back at the untouched glass of red wine..."Dude, suit yourself...my name is Cranberry and I am a charmer!" 

Well, I gotta tell you that the Indians are pretty sweet & benevolent; they have found solace in my "moderately luscious saccharine  blend"..my popularity extends right from the lower most "age-centric-strata" to the "experienced strata"...Rum Chick Bum Bum!

Oh yeah...talking about experience, I remember a "Task" that was assigned to the Zoadies that pretty much focused on opening the maximum number of corks in the least bit of time....damn, I mean, try to imagine this....a flock of 10 ruthless fellas trying to shatter my shell? How cruel is that? The way they managed to throw me & my brothers away into the bin after their task? Utter disgrace folks...I was thinking about launching a silent "Dry Day" protest against the broadcasters; but then my young fans protested, at least I would love to believe that they protested. Anyway, 2 percent alcohol content is just like adding a pinch of lime to add a quirky twist. Technically they say that my core is mixture of rum, fruit essence and sparkling water...screw them....I am fabricated out of sheer awesomeness. You know how "awesomeness" tastes like? You don't, for sure...!!


But then, why am I so under-rated right from the "National inception" BACK IN 2002? I remember that there were so many articles written on my boss, Mr Bacardi who did manage to bridge the gap to some extent...the gap that was established out of a general perception on alcoholic beverages. People had greeted me with extended arms really, and then gulped me without any preconditions what so ever...in-fact, I was made readily available in the market. The trend was quite inspiring alright, but then, there were counterparts....it was a breezy rise and a steady fall at the same time. There was a rumor back in 2006, anomaly reports were generated...my brothers faced a torrid time under the scanner...the process was never-ending really. We persisted though, and fought back with enhanced taste and intemperance. We made a perennial imprint on the youth, they found "inner peace" in our 270 ml packages, they relishes every sip with euphoria.

"No fat" - The vibrant young lady asserted as her know-it-all boyfriend made an attempt to snatch me...wooh! That came right out of the screws.
"I love cranberry, there is an embedded charm in it....never try to call them dwarf, you understand?" - She threatened her rusty boyfriend. Yes, he had nothing to say really; she was a Botany student nevertheless....and had a complete first hand view of my "anatomy"...she knew about my origin, she knew everything about blend...she knew everything about my potential. I wish I had the power to "Express"....I wish I could implement the fervor of a "hypothetical chest expansion" when she decided to back me. Alas!! I'm totally benevolent in terms of the calorie content...a reserve of 155 kCals in one unit doesn't sound too much, does it? But then, a judicious quaff is recommended. And no worries absolutely with the Breezer and food pairing; I possess a lovely bit of chemistry with every edible dish...and I mean it bro. Example? Look below, that's my recommendation alright. Bunk it :D



"You know, nobody 'noses' a breezer..in-fact, it seems to be a rather hilarious prospect, but have you thought of trying? " - A connoisseur had once asked this to his colleague. I was impressed.
"Errr? I am not drinking wine after-all...how does the question arise?" - He seemed confused. I was furious...dude, comparison with of breezer with wine? Take a break!
"Here you go..the Cranberry bottle...give it a try..." - And I was gleefully transferred to the opposite end of the table. I couldn't wait to see his reaction...
"Hmmmm....not bad yeah...not bad" - He hesitantly remarked. I know dude..I know. 

And of course, I cannot make you "funnier, sexier, more intelligent or a better dancer" but then, I can turn you on...make no mistake with that. For all you "passionate non-drinkers" out here, I'm your catalyst....now whenever your boss tries to pull you down in a party by saying "Grow up man....you don't even drink?" , make sure you pick me up and reply "This doesn't look or smell like Complan... does it?!"

But then the point is, why so much attention for me tonight? What's cooking fellas? This surge of sudden love does make me think alright....what are you hiding Dear bloggers? I think I saw a pamphlet ..but then the implication is pretty indistinct....my "story" is heart-felt.."reviewing" an entity like me is an uphill task. But then, I don't mind really....if my story fetches you an year's bliss, I am absolutely game. It really shows your fervor, fidelity and hankering for a life-less liquid...oops did I say lifeless?  You judge buddy...you judge!!
Phew...I guess I need a bit of refuel after such a long speech, what about you my friend?.." Hello? Yes..You.I'm talking to you :D


* This post has been written as a part of the "Catch the Flavor Contest" sponsored by Bacardi Breezer in association with indiblogger, make sure you visit their official website for more fun and insights. Play the enthralling game out there and share your scores with me. FYI I am representing Team Cranberry in this battle of the blogs. 


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