Tuesday, October 22, 2013


"Mala?!"----- I called out aloud..............
"Present Sir"----- She raised her hand in response.
"Neeta?!" ----- I hypothetically "ticked" on the column tagged to the attendance.....
"Neeta?! Are you there?" ----- I called out again....there was no response!

Pin drop silence. My voice resonated across the deserted corridor of the Panchayat Bhavan. Nobody bothered to respond.

"Can anybody, for God's sake, please speak up?" - I screamed out frantically, desperation had gripped my senses.

Neeta had been, by far, the most responsive and enthusiastic of all my "students" ; in-fact she was pretty perspicacious when it came to responsiveness towards technology.
Naturally her evanescence was pretty disturbing....

Presenting a few excerpts from Diary; to portray my first hand view of the sequence of events in it's raw and "un-cooked" form; the language of each of the entries have been left unaltered to maintain the puerile essence of truth embedded in them:

March 30, 2011:
From the Hotel Room, Bankura

"I think I am doing quite well....
She is picking up those e-oriented scripts and procedures rapidly. These alien hardware components do not seem to be challenging enough; Neeta has made it look simple. She is very punctual too; the DM's opening speech has invigorated her to the core. I bet she will be running the CSC well in the near future. She has to.
And yes, I like her....I like the way she giggles, the way she silently watches me from close by and turns away when our "perceptions" meet, but I know, deep inside there's a mutual nexus- a blissful testimonial.
Damn...what is happening to me? I guess it's a passing phase...I guess, I need to concentrate on my job at hand...to e-educate them for the future course; to assist them thoroughly, diligently. 
That's it for today....let's see how it goes tomorrow- Their first practical session...."

March 31, 2011:
From the empty training hall, DM Office, Bankura

"Well, well...guess what...the progress has been really encouraging. The OCJM himself monitored the e-Governance training cum hand holding session today and the batch responded well. Neeta was the stand out performer as usual. She managed to successfully generate a couple of dummy Birth & Domicile certificates...executing all the associated steps with amicable proficiency. In-fact, it was decided right away.. that she'd execute the "electronic receipt generation" during the official portal launch on the 15th of April 2011, chaired by the CM, GoWB.
I could see the sparkling "glow in her eyes"; her animated celebration was indeed indelible...unrestrained, undeterred...she was exuberant to the core. 
Oh yes...I forgot to write this.... she was looking beautiful today....her effulgent crimson-tinged salwar, her multi-colored bangles, her fancy "chappals", her fluttering hair neatly tied together- it had something fascinating stitched all around 'em. Her eyes are so damn expressive; she hardly talks during the session....she doesn't need to....
Dear, Oh Dear! ...what is happening to me? I need rest I guess...Signing off for today then. Ciao."

April 2, 2011:
At the Canteen, DM Office, Bankura

"She touched me today...not intentionally though; I was leaning over her desk, trying to help her out with the un-formatted letter drafted on the MS Word...when her fists rolled around mine. She was struggling with the mouse pointer then; the limping cursor seemed to have taken a toll already in due course of the 10 day training course....Hmm...one of those common atrocities associated with the Government projects.
Dude!!! The feeling was out-of-the-world; Yep...the so called "slow motion effect" did actually happen I presume...where the hell, did the breeze come from? It absolutely transported me into completely different world altogether. Hypnotized..so as to say!!
Manh!!  Hopping out into the corridor was the only resort.
Damn!! Am I falling for a "country-girl"? Me? No way? Time to concentrate on the final 4 days of the capacity building program...The Climax is here... Go Sammy Go!!"

April 7, 2011:
At the Bankura Railway Station

"I don't know what to write or how to write...but I HAVE to write. I'm suffocated like hell; the last couple of days have been abhorrent...'cruel' is the word. 
Life is a bitch, yes it is. 
It makes memories and destroys them bluntly...without giving us a glimmer of hope. Why, why why ?
She had finally started to respond to me, to talk to me through her signature hand-movements & sign languages....we had started to "communicate" silently!!  
She took me to the mud-banks...she took me to the fields....she took me across the country-side with revelry; she had found solace in my tutelage.
We used to hang around the Banyan Tree-side 'tea hub', before the training session started....and yes, she finally spoke.
"Neeta....my name, Sir"; she divulged hesitantly.
Arrrgghhh!!... Why "Sir" ? .... The barrier had to be broken.

"Can I have your number? In-case the classes are reschedules ?"- I had to put it in this way.
"On the attendance sheet"- She smirked....haha she had got me alright.

BUT! Oh God....Can't write any-more...emotions cutting deep into me...I'm struggling. Bye for now."

April 20, 2011:
Salt Lake, Sector V, Kolkata

"Yes, I'm writing after a long time now. It has been very difficult to concentrate of late....I have thought of quitting my job on a number of occasions, but then it would have been rather impulsive. But then, I have been bitterly disturbed....her memories have kept haunting me everyday...the sight of her scorched carcass had traumatized me to the core. She didn't return.

It was a Friday, I suppose and she was absent for the very first time. I remember, that she had promised to come early that day; she unknowingly broke her promise.

What arrived.... was her gutted remnants...
The Goons had ripped her apart...she was kidnapped on her way to the DM office and brutally raped. What happened after that was harrowing....it scorched both of us, one from the outer core and the other from deep inside. She chose the route of self-destruction...leaving those short-lived memories behind.

Police investigation revealed that the last dialed number from her cell-phone was mine....perhaps, her last desperate attempt; but it was all in vain....it was shattered in a while....crushing all my dreams along with it..... It was meant not to be.... !"

What do I say.....I'm struggling with the keyboard now...these excerpts have brought back those terrible tribulations yet again. I wish, I could roll back time, I wish I could undo everything....I wish I could have warned her...I wish I could have saved her...!!

I wish, she had Smart Suraksha with her....that could have at least given us a chance...just a glimmer of a chance... "Perhaps" !   Sigh..... Cruel ! Cruel ! Life !

The Deserted Alley of life....Indeed....
Suppress the "animal" in you...save her soul..for Christ's sake!
* This is a true story, the excerpts from my Dairy have been reproduced as it is...even the typo or the grammatical errors (if any) haven't been corrected deliberately. It's a scar alright. I don't know why I wrote this, perhaps I needed an outlet..I got one!

* I am participating in the Seeking Smart Suraksha contest at BlogAdda.com in association with Smart Suraksha App.

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